Beautiful Contradictions

Joy in the uncertainty. It seems like that is an excellent way to describe how these last two and a half weeks have been classified. We have been going non-stop since we got here with the exception of our two Sundays, which count as our weekend. There is comfort in the hectic schedule I am finding. It is so structured and rigid in so many ways, like meal times, lessons, etc. that when you are given free time, you almost seem overwhelmed with the choices. Granted, there aren't too many things to choose from; internet cafe, market, studying, or just talking with someone. Granted there are always optional activities such as engaging the local children in an impromptu frisbee game, but even with that, there is a level of uncertainty and awkwardness that we haven't gotten over. We are in this set schedule, but it still feels like you are flying by the seat of your pants, only just barely hanging on. I hope I will not have the unfortunate experience of losing my grip. Everything seems so precarious but at the same time, incredibly solid. Just the idea of being here. This is our third week in Rwanda and it still has the disbelief quality to it. A surreal experience, but at the same time, there is the weighty reality that this is home for the next two years. It's an incredible paradox, almost like the country itself. It's almost as if Rwanda itself is a paradox. The pain and beauty co-exisiting, the harsh rugged landscape combined with the life-giving greenery. It seems that we fit right in. The white students and the Rwanda teachers, overwhelmed and excited. Every opposite can be found in coexistence. Well, maybe not every opposite, but certainty a great number. I found the same thing to be true when I visited my resource mom the other day and the children were teaching me parts of the body. Here I am, the college-educated American, getting schooled by the 5 year old. Rwanda is an incredible diverse and novel place, it's hard to keep up with everything that happens at once. I feel as though I am missing 80% of what's going on around me because I have gotten so used to not paying attention. The colors, feel of the air, the expressions on people's faces, are all such unique experiences in themselves. I don't want it to pass me by but how can you take it all in without completely overloading yourself. Rwanda makes you want to smile, cry, stomp your foot, laugh, and shout all at the same time. It's a wonder you can find things to keep you sane, since it's only us students that are suffering from this manic sort of inattention. No, not inattention, just multi-focused attention. Who knows really, since I am suffering from it myself. It's like an entertaining form of ADD. Maybe it gets better after a while, but right now I hope it doesn't. Things seem to take on a more vibrant hue and everything has a stronger edge. You can the see the delineation of things more clearly since you have what it is not sitting right by it. (Sorry if this doesn't make sense. It is the slightly crazed ramblings of a Peace Corps Trainee). Despite all the frantic craziness and rigid schedules, one thing remains constant; This is Africa. This is now home, at least for the next two years. (YIKES)